Dakina Stories 206 - Being Shay

    February 5 2015 : It was 6:30 on a Thursday morning, Shay was up getting ready for school. She use to get up at 5:30 to go to school in the Bronx coming from East New York in Brooklyn but her sorphmore year of high school she transferred to a high school in downtown Brooklyn by the A C N R W& F trains on Jay Street making the commute easier. Shay just turned 15 a few days ago on January 24th. Shay her 3 sisters Sienna who is 18 in her senior year of high school, she was in a alternative school so she’d be graduating early by the end of March, Stella who is 19 still in high school, 5 months pregnant, & Xenia who is 24 the 2nd oldest of the girls, Shay was 15 & her brother Silas who is 25 with Shay’s nephew Gael who just turned 2, Shay’s mother the head of the apartment in Unity Plaza Nycha Projects ( where crime & gun violence was at a all time high) who was 50 years old Amelia, she look good for her age, all of her kids expect Xenia took after her fair skin completion, Xenia was a light brown completion taking after the kids father brown melanated skin completion but everyone looked just like Amelia, she worked as a receptionist at a nursing home bringing home an income on top of the kids social security. Shay had a total of 9 sibling 5 sisters & 4 brothers but the rest of the kids lived on they’re own with they’re spouse or own families.

        When Shay finished getting out the shower she dried off, wrapped herself up with her towel & went into her room & picked up her Samsung S7562 Galaxy S Duos, the phone was off & only worked with Wi-Fi,the time read 7:25, Shay broke her old working cell phone at her high school in the Bronx, she forgot it was in her back pocket & accidentally sat on it, Stella swore Shay broke the phone on purpose because she didn’t like it. Amelia didn’t have enough to buy her another phone so she turned the phone off & removed Shay off her line temporarily. One day Shay was tired of using Xenia’s tablet so she went in the kitchen & looked in a drawer with all the old phones, she saw the Samsung & picked it up checking if the battery was inside the phone, seeing that it was she charged it up & it had a lock on it, she didn’t know the passcode so she asked her sisters if they remembered the password to the phone & they didn’t, she finally got the phone on when she took it to a electronic store & paid them 50 dollars to break in to the phone.

It was nice having her own room, & being back in Brooklyn where she was born & raised, they had a 5 bedroom apartment with 2 in a half bathrooms, one bathroom didn’t have a shower & on days Shay was in a rush she’d use the bathroom without the shower & wash up quickly. Sienna & Xenia shared a bedroom while Stella had her own bedroom with a playpen & big target boxes of diapers & wipes & a few unique clothes for the baby, she didn’t know the sex of the baby yet, Amelia took the bedroom closet to the living room, Silas & Gael had a room in the back closet to the bathroom with a shower, & then Shay had her own room. As she was putting on her Dream Angel Victoria’s Secret lotion she heard her mother’s alarm go off, she put on a black long sleeve shirt that read P.I.N.K & leggings to match with her black & purple Jordan’s, she sprayed her Dream Angel perfume on herself & took her tooth brush out of her 1st dresser with all the panties & underwear, when she came out the room she saw her mother walking to the bathroom with her towel, she said good morning & Amelia waved, she wasn’t much of a morning person & Shay got that from her too, but Amelia had to be at work for 9:30, Shay went to the bathroom without the shower turn the hot water on & let her toothbrush sit in the hot water for a few minutes, she then put tooth paste on the toothbrush & proceeded to brush her teeth, when she finished she went back in to her room put her toothbrush back in the first drawer picked up her phone, headphones & put on her north face coat. As she was leaving out the door she heard her mother yell from the bathroom for the tooth paste, Shay took it to her mother then left the apartment to go to school.

      When she got to school it was 8:15, she was 15 minutes late but she didn’t care in her mind the teachers where lucky she even showed up, she got in to her 1st period class Algebra with Mr. Thiago, he said Ms. Cartier referring to Shay as her last name, your late, Shay responded “ I think I know that” her other half Nya screamed “ heyyyy bitchhhhhhh good morning” Shay scream back “ heyyyyy other half, bitch why you left me this morning” Mr. Thiago said “ Ms. Cartier & Ms. Bamford stop disturbing the class please, Ms. Cartier take your seat, Shay went next to her other half & sat down, she pulled out her notebook & looked at Nya’s to copy down the notes. Nya was in 9th grade, Shay had to take algebra to have the credit on her transcript, last year when Shay was at the school in the Bronx she took geometry which was super hard for her, she just couldn’t understand the concept of the shapes, algebra was more down her alley. 

      By 5th period it was lunch time, Shay & Nya went to the girls bathroom because Shay had to pee. When they got in the bathroom this girl named Kelly said “ smfh ( shaking my fucking head), no boy should be in this bathroom” referring to Shay who ignored her & went into a stall so she could pee, Nya said “ yo if there is a issue we can settle it right here, (that was why Shay loved her she knew Nya had her back as much as she had hers)” Kelly said I’m just saying then left the bathroom, meanwhile Shay was in the stall doing the peepee dance as she placed tissue down on the toilet. Shay wanted to get on hormone pills & when she was 14 she asked her mother as they were walking back to the shelter in the Bronx on Taylor Ave, Amelia responded “ no, your too young & you know how Silas is” Shay tried to argue that Silas wasn’t her father & Amelia responded “ ik ( I know) but some people aren’t understanding & I don’t want you guys to bump heads, y’all relationship is already rocky & plus I wanna put you in therapy” Shay said “ I’m not crazy ma I don’t need therapy” Amelia respond “ ik your not crazy I just want you to be sure this is what you want & talking to someone about it wouldn’t be a bad thing” Shay said okay & continued to walk to the building of the family shelter, they lived in another shelter on Washington Ave a year ago before moving to this one. The next day Amelia gave Shay a picture of her cousin who is transgender, she said I want her to have a conversation with you, then she whispered to Shay in the kitchen “ I heard the shots work faster then the pills” Shay was scared of needles even though as a kid she never cried or anything like that but as she got older her anxiety raised everytime a needle went near her, so she got the injection thought out of her mind, she stared at the picture & thought her cousin was so pretty, she never met this cousin & if she did it was when she was a small baby. After flushing the toilet Shay came out the stall & washed her hands then went in to the lunch room & seen the group that didn’t like her & Nya. Nya said “ yo these bitches look pressed today” Shay replied “ facts but ain’t nobody gon do shit, I’m not paying these dusty bitches no mind” they got on line & waited to get their lunch trays, today they served Mac & cheese, potatoes & string beans, usually Shay would get a pj sandwich & eat it but today she’d eat the food, this was one meal she didn’t mind eating because it was decent.

      8th period finally came & Shay was glad this was the last class, she had Global & she sat next to Nya at the table & 2 other kids they didn’t know. Shay & Nya had 3 classes together 1st period Alegbra, 4th period Living Environment & this class. The teacher Ms. Danni said hello class, so today we going to jump right into it, on your desk is a article of papers about the French Revolution, I want you guys to read it then answer the questions. By the end of the period Shay handed in her & Nya’s paper then her & Nya went to the locker they shared together to get there coats, they left the building & walked to the A train, they wait for the train for 6 minutes, then took it 4 stops to Broadway Junction & transferred up the escalator to the L ( The J & Z trains also are up the escalator) which came in 1 min, they walked up a little to the middle of the platform so when they got off in 2 stops on Sutter they’d be closer to the stairs. While they were on the train they chopped it up & talked about the boys they were dealing with. Marcus was Shay boo, they weren’t together but Shay would link up with him from time to time & give him head, she told Nya all about these sneaky links, Darius was Nya’s sex buddy who she was going to link before she went home. When they got off the train & walked down the steps to exit the train they hugged & walked separate ways, Sutter is a stop above ground, & when outside the train is like a bridge in a way, on one side of the street is East New York where Shay is from & on the other side of the street was Brownsville, Nya live in Brownsville Seth Low projects across the street was Van Dyke projects where the bloods had beef with the Seth Low crips. 

        When Shay got upstairs to her apartment her brother greeted her “ Wassup Shaun” Shay hated that he called her that name, she couldn’t wait till she turned 18 so she can get on hormones & start her transition so the outside could match how she feels inside. Shay said hello & continued into the bedroom, she saw Stella in her room & said hey to her & Stella said “ heyyy bitch, how was school” Shay said “ school was good, I was hype when 8th period finally came” Stella said “ girl I remember them days but do what you gotta do to graduate, you don’t wanna be like me 19 still in school trying to get my diploma. Shay & Xenia were the closet but after the summertime in the Bronx on Taylor Ave her & Stella became closer too, she smoked her first blunt with Stella & her girlfriend at the time. Shay went into her room & took a shower then changed & jumped into her house clothes pajamas & a oversized shirt. Silas didn’t like Shay dressing up in front of Gael so they bumped heads about that all the time but Shay was more comfortable in girl clothing so that’s what she wore, Silas didn’t buy her clothes so she felt he had no say so in what she wore. 

       By 6 in the afternoon Amelia walked in, Shay was in the kitchen she had French fries in the oven & was making a burger to go with it. Shay greets her mother & gives her a kiss on the cheek, she asked “ how was your day at work” Amelia responded “ they getting on my nerves but it wasn’t too bad today, one customer was getting hostile so I had to call security to escort her out the building, I wasn’t about to argue with no little ass girl I’m 50 years old I’ll get Sienna on these little bitches, Shay laughed & said oh my god, well I had a good day at school, her mother said okay good keep it up then put the groceries on the kitchen table & went to her room so she could shower & change out of her work clothes. Hearing a knock on the door Shay said “ whoo?” & the person on the other side said Ryan ( Gaels grandmother). Shay opened the door & Gael said “ uncleeeeee Shaun” for a 2 year old Gael spoke really clearly & he was very smart, Shay hugged her nephew & took his jacket off she said hey to Ryan then she went back in the kitchen to take her French fries out the oven. She put ketchup on them then sat at the table, before she started eating she put the milk in the fridge & the rest of the groceries up, it was the beginning of the month so the fridge freezer & deep freezer was packed, her mother received snap where they sent her 950 a month for a family of 7 & cash assistance which was 815 a month on top of the SSI for the kids which sometimes contributed to bills but Amelia used all the money the government sent her to provide for her family, she was a single mother due to the kids father passing away when Shay was 1 years old, Xenia was the only one over 18 still receiving a check because she has anger issues which made her feel left out & like the black sheep ( exactly why her & Shay got along so well even though they were so far apart in age)  she then put the pan she made the burger in, in the sink  & filled it with water & dish washing liquid. When she finished eating her food she went in her room & turned on the small TV she had in her room, before they moved into the shelter in the Bronx they were living in Canarsie, Amelia had brought the tv from her little cousin for Shay who at the time shared a room with Sienna, Xenia, Sanna & Stella. Sanna is now 20 years old living with her boyfriend & newborn son Darrion, at a young age Sanna took her big sister role very seriously especially when it came to Shay, before Amelia got herself together she was a drug addict & her drug of choice was crack cocaine, the kids were in foster care when they were younger but when Shay turned 10 or 11 years old Amelia got her kids back & stayed free of drugs. At the time Shay had the Wii system plugged up too the TV as she turned both the TV & Wii on & proceeded to playing her resident evil 4 game . She only liked a few games wrestling being her number one favorite, her most recent wrestling game was 2k13, after she kind of fell off because wrestling wasn’t the same, resident evil & sometimes the Wii sports. After about 2 hours of playing resident evil 4 she turned the Wii off & put the controller on top of her dresser with her lotion deodorant & perfume. She put on her headphones & played Smash into you by Beyoncé & put her phone on shuffle, the music helped her sleep, she was a natural loner but depressed & lonely she desperately wanted a boyfriend but it seem no one seemed interested in her & Marcus was DL so he had a girlfriend. She paused her music when she saw her door open & light shut on, it was Silas she took one earphone out her ear & Silas said “ look, I don’t care what you do that’s your business but please stop dressing so femininely around Gael I don’t want him to grow up & be like you, I feel like your the way the way you are because of who you grew up around & I don’t want that for my son” Shay said “ okay Silas” she wanted him out of her face, she didn’t feel like arguing tonight & putting her anxiety on 1000, Silas said alright goodnight love you , Shay said love you 2 & Silas turned off her light & closed her door, she layed back down. She wanted to get her hair done, she got it done for the first time in October 2014 when her friend Aisha ( Stella’s ex girlfriend Shay smoked her first blunt with) box braided her hair with extensions, now her hair was just in a mini Afro & she hated it. She turned back on her music & layed down hoping to soon go to sleep, the lyrics “ I wanna runnnnnnnnnnn smash into youuuu” Shay fell asleep in fifteen minutes.

*DakinaStories